


FATE

by aishithehunlhj86



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Drama & Romance, Light Angst, M/M, Random & Short, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-12-25 20:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishithehunlhj86/pseuds/aishithehunlhj86
Summary: When knowing his relationship did not work any longer and suspecting that his partner, Lee Hyukjae, was sleeping with someone else, Heechul gave up. But then he met his high school crush Jungsoo unexpectedly. Was it a good thing, was it a bad thing?Was it him that cheated, or was it Hyukjae?





	1. "I do not want to see you."

The first sign was very noticeable, they began to talk less. It was absurd yet unchangeable the situation they were in as both found nothing to share together. One worked at a large engineer company and the other in a pet shop. The silence started off from morning when they all got work to go to and people to meet, to the afternoon when one had to spend time with colleagues and the other would rather be with his sister and nieces. Night time came when the two got back to their own place, feeling exhausted and were ready for bed. Communication was absent for weeks, and then months, until the distance between them were so further away they both knew they had lost the intention of holding it back.

Hyukjae just sat there, stared at his laptop’s screen trying to do the project he was responsible to over the weekend even though it was not due till later next month. He felt that the need to have something to do was so urgent; it was either work on weekend or having to spend time together with Heechul in the living room. He thought to himself about why they became the way there were now, but he could not remember exactly. It was just one day they were the best for each other who was totally in love, and then the next day, they were drifting apart. It could have been Hyukjae’s faults like he never helped Heechul with chores, or he had become friendlier with people at work, or that he missed out dates because work had kept him busy. It could also be Heechul’s fault when he got devoted in that pet shop and started complaining about stuff around the house. Hyukjae did not like to be nagged around, and that was exactly what Heechul did sometimes. Although he knew the other did not mean it, but still Hyukjae found it difficult to not be annoyed and upset about it. It could have been Heechul’s fault that turned Hyukjae into the man he was today. 

His hand stopped typing, he looked at the messenger app on his screen which was blinking to get his attention. It was a message from a guy at work, Choi Siwon, who wanted to ask him out. Hyukjae smirked, he felt wanted for a sudden and got himself out of the mess of thoughts he was sinking in before. A night out with Siwon, one of his colleagues that was insanely rich and generous; he also knew a lot of connections with people within the department. Siwon once told him that it should be time to think about what he wanted to do in life. He can’t just hang around and date with a person who would not do his career any good. At first, Hyukjae found this very offensive and rude, but after knowing Siwon for a bit longer, he realized the other had meant no harm. He was quite right about how Hyukjae should be thinking more about the people he could hang around with, and that Heechul was just someone who worked at a pet shop. In other words, Heechul was not as sophisticated as Choi Siwon. The more Hyukjae hung around with him, the more chances he would get to be promoted. Hyukjae didn’t hesitate to reply the other’s message simply with “OK”.

Heechul knew Hyukjae was inside the room working on his laptop, and he also knew the other was trying to avoid him. Heechul shrugged, it was not his concern that the other acted that way. He did nothing wrong in his opinion, that he spent more time at the pet shop and became grumpier when Hyukjae kept talking about how great people at work were. Heechul knew Hyukjae was a smart and sophisticated guy with full of charisma. A lot of people easily got attracted to Hyukjae, and it wasn’t something new; for Heechul it was also the same scenario. He used to work in a coffee shop, and Hyukjae was one of the regular customers. It was something about that shiny brown eyes, that fluffy hair, and that corky smile that threw Heechul at the other. Hyukjae was a charming and seductive man, and Heechul, who once had sworn deep inside his heart that he would never be in love again, had fell for him.

But if a guy once was a play boy, he would always be a play boy. Heechul knew that the day would come when Hyukjae decided that the other was no longer good enough for him, yet he did not expect it to come this early. Heechul of course knew the presence of a guy at work named Choi Siwon, but he would rather not to mention about it. He knew that Hyukjae was a smart enough man to realized what to do and what not to; therefore, no matter what the result was, Heechul swore he would not be upset by it. Maybe today was an exceptional day as he saw Hyukjae got dressed up nicely and prepared to head out; Heechul could not help but ask out of a habit.

“Where are you going? No dinner with me?” He glanced at the other in his best Levi’s jeans and hoodies; his hair combed neatly, and his cologne can be sensed in the thin air. It was Heechul’s favorite cologne. Hyukjae still checked himself in the mirror and not looking back at the other.

“I have a meet up with people at work. Probably will go for dinner so no, don’t wait for me.” He put on his best shoes and peered at Heechul quick enough so that he would not catch the other’s wary eyes. “I’ll see you later.”

It was Saturday night, and Hyukjae decided to spend it with other people not Heechul. He should have found this upsetting, and he should have been angry; but right now, Heechul felt nothing. He felt perhaps empty, and somewhat in him there was a voice saying ‘it is okay to spend a night alone here. It’s actually very amusing’. The door shut tightly behind him as Hyukjae already left. He got up, holding his cat Heebum on his arms, wandering around in the kitchen looking for some snacks.

“What should we eat, Heebum ah, what should we do?” He could hear the cat purring, what a lovely sound. Heechul felt at peace for a sudden, and everything seemed to be so easy to go by, knowing that the person whom he once loved so much had now gone out with someone else, and he was not even angry. “Should we go to a bakery? Should I get you some cake?” His voice sounded like a humming, and he smiled happily when Heebum stretched out to give him a furry hug. “Yes, we should go out too, shall we?” Heebum’s eyes were shining brightly at the exciting thought of going outside. Heebum was a weird active cat.

Heechul got changed quickly and grabbed the leash; he put it over for Heebum who the first cat ever (in Heechul’s opinion) was to allow being leashed around – kind of like a puppy. They got out of the flat, headed to the big road and walked their way into town where all the lights had been lit up and music could be heard from afar. It was Saturday’s night, everyone obviously wanted to go out and had a nice evening with their beloveds; hence, the streets were busy and filled with people in their best outfits, talking and laughing to join in the excitement of the whole town. Shops signs were blinking under the night sky, and Heechul for once thought he had never seen anything that bright. One hand he held the leash tight so Heebum would not get lost, the other hand he pulled out his phone and took a photo of beautiful scene. It was a happy and joyful town filled with delightful faces and soundly smiles. Heechul should be happy too, he thought to himself, yet he found something inside was buried under a big rock. He could not lift the heavy rock, thus he could not enjoy the scene in front of him to the fullest. He knew Heebum was right there next to him, and that was all he ever wished for, but he also realized the emptiness in him was awaken seeing many happy couples enjoy their wonderful evening together.

He could not hide the fact that even though he seemed not to care, he still missed Hyukjae so much. 

Should he even shed a tear, Heechul wondered, whether it would be worth it at all crying over someone who was not even here with him. Hyukjae would not cheat, he would not have the guts to cheat, Heechul knew for sure. But was he sure enough?

“Heebum, slow down…”

Steps by steps, he followed Heebum on the sidewalk passing by so many stores and shops. He wished he could be like Heebum, a free-spirited cat who got a lot of love from his owner. He wanted to be free from any emotions. He wanted to let go.

“Is that, Kim Heechul?” 

A voice sounded behind him, Heechul turned over with caution and to his shock, it was someone he never thought he would meet again. It was his first crush ever in high school, it was the guy who once turned him down to go study overseas. It was that beautiful face, that sweet smiley face and that soft plumy lips which had traumatized Heechul for years until he began to forget everything and moved on. He had been so in love with the other, even though it had never been returned. And now, this person decided to show up again after over ten years with the same smile. What he wanted, Heechul thought, what he was doing here and why they met, was it a coincidence, or was it fate telling him it was not a bad idea to dig up all the emotions buried deep down in his heart for the other?

He felt as if he wanted to collapse, but he managed to speak at a normal tone.

“Hi, what a surprise, Park Jungsoo.”

 

-//-

 

They ended up having a cup of coffee together at a nearby shop. Jungsoo offered him first of course; there was no chance Heechul would do the same idiot mistake again. He knew Jungsoo, he knew how the other turned him down with a smile on his face, making Heechul felt even worse. He never wanted to set foot in that high school mess ever again. That was why he kept telling himself the whole evening that it was going to be a one night thing only. And after this cup of coffee, they would part to their own ways and might never see each other again.

Heechul looked over at Heebum who was now kept away in a pet section of the shop where they kept all pets together at their own. At the counter, Jungsoo was ordering drinks and had his back toward Heechul. He did not mean to stare, but Jungsoo’s back looked so fragile under the thin satin top. Unlike Hyukjae who had boarder shoulder, Jungsoo gave a feeling of a soft sensitive man that embraced Heechul and made him felt uncomfortable. Not because he was uncomfortable with the guy himself, but it was because Heechul was not used to having all his emotions from the past which had stayed deep under the ocean now all floating on the surface, waiting to be exposed. 

“I got you mat-cha latte, I hope it’s alright.” Jungsoo got back at the table with drinks and a big smile on his face. This annoyed Hecchul; he for sure had ordered an iced milk tea, yet Jungsoo gave him something else, something that used to be his favorite in high school. Something that he had changed after years being without the other.  
The young Heechul had always waited for Jungsoo at this small shop outside school yard. Every recess or after school time, he met up with his crush, having a drink together and enjoyed their small talks. That were the best time of his life back then, when he was full of hope and trust in a high school crush would finally have become lifetime love. But he now knew it was never true. 

So the fact that Jungsoo still remembered his favorite drink from the past annoyed and startled Heechul very much. He did not feel safe under his strong and independent cover. 

“I don’t want this, but thanks.” Heechul answered roughly, he still found it hard to look Jungsoo in the eyes. He was afraid that if their eyes met, he would be all vulnerable to the other one more time. 

“I’m sure it’s your type of thing,” chuckled Jungsoo, “how are you? What are you doing here with your cat? Have you been doing well in life?” He continued with tons of questions about the other’s life, as if they were friends that had not seen each other for a long time regardless of the upsetting incident. “I really miss being around you.”

Fuck, Heechul cursed in his thoughts. He had never known Jungsoo was this crazy, now he did. What a nice thing to say to someone you dumped ten years ago, huh.  
“I’m very good, nothing special, but good.” He wished he could be that strong like the other to ask Jungsoo how he had been doing, if he had been seeing anyone, or that he, too, had missed him a lot. But all he could offer now was a sigh and avoiding eyes.

“I’m also well,” Jungsoo seemed to read what was in Heechul’s mind. He smiled gently and initiated another story to make the other communicate. “France was beautiful, and I got offered a job with high salary. My life is getting better and better every day.”

“Well, I’m glad,” said Heechul sarcastically. He did not know why he sounded that way, but he did find whatever Jungsoo had been doing not that amusing. 

“And then I got another job offer in Korea, so here I am, back home. It’s been so long, I miss this town so much,” the words came out of him like a melody. Heechul could not believe his own ears, knowing that Jungsoo will now be here permanently, or at least until he got offered a better job. In other words, that meant meeting Jungsoo was not something that easy to avoid, like moving households so he would not have to receive the others’ letters or changing his email so the other would never be able to contact him again.

Maybe it’s time for me to move to another town, Heechul thought to himself.

“I have been gone for so long, you know, so now I’m back home where I have no friends and all, and God blessed me, I meet you here tonight,” said Jungsoo with his smiley eyes. Heechul swore he did not look at them straight, but he could see some sparkles on the other’s face when he smiled. “I really want to talk to you, lots, about us, about what had happened, and what have been happening, and what will happen, between us two.”

Heechul might be mistaken, but he felt his chair was getting a bit warmer, like burning, sensationally warmer. 

“And how you have always been avoiding me, and how I wish you would have just talked to me, and how I was so hopeless about seeing you again, and tonight I get to meet you…” and with his sweet tone, Jungsoo kept going on about everything that must have been in his mind, for God knew how long, to Heechul, whose face did not show any slight bit of interest. “I want to talk about how I turned you down that day in front of my house…”

“WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?” 

There he was, standing up with both his hands slammed hard on the poor tiny table, splashed some drinks down on the floor and on its tray and gained all attention from everyone who was present in the small area by his loud squeaky high-pitched voice filled with anger and despair. Heechul could realize how his attitude might have been very rude, inconsiderate and made Jungsoo feel taken back with his own feelings, but now he simply did not have any spare emotions to care. 

“JUST SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.” Every word sounded so clear and stable. It was not shaky or awkward anymore. Maybe it was because Heechul had no other feeling for the other, or it could also mean that he was tired of waiting and putting up with his bullshit backups. “I am already with someone. Good day.”

And for no longer that a split second, Heechul was out at the door, rushing over to pick Heebum up into his leash and headed out. He was furious, he was fuming with anger and all he could feel was fire burning his poor soul. Was there any reason? Heechul could not explain, but just sitting there listening to how Jungsoo talked about all his past got on Heechul’s nerves. Was it love between them? Never, that Heechul knew for sure; because if Jungsoo did truly love him, he would have not given him up at the first place.

END CHAPTER 1.


	2. "I think you'd be better with somebody like me."

He never walked that fast for the most of his life, but there must have been a superpower embedded inside himself that allow such a quick pace of steps through the crowded road. Heechul, with Heebum held tightly in his arms, made his way out of the busy town and ready to head back to his comfort zone. Everything about tonight needed to be forgotten as well as everything related to that person, Park Jungsoo. He could have cried right that moment, Heechul knew when his eyes were getting blurry because of all the filling up water, but what was there to cry for? He was not upset thinking about his past, and he was not upset knowing that Jungsoo had thought about them two that way for all those years.

For all those years Heechul tried to forget, Jungsoo had been missing him.

That could have been a lie, because Jungsoo could be a freaking talented liar. Like when they were in high school, and how Heechul thought that Jungsoo would stay in this small town with him, growing old, having their own place called home to enjoy it all together. But life was not that easy, because Jungsoo gave up his chance.

Then why was Heechul feeling like this? Like a fool after all the effort and time he tried to forget the guy, tried to convince himself that Park Jungsoo was long gone and everything they had together was a waste. Did he still have feeling for the other? The one person who had broken his heart once and given him such a hard time in the past?

Was he a loser to still have feeling for Jungsoo?

Heechul chuckled; his hands rose up to wipe his wet eyes. Stupid tears, he thought to himself, he was just missing Hyukjae so much tonight. It was a lonely Saturday night without the love of his life, obviously. Hyukjae must have been having so much fun right now with his colleagues; and Heechul wondered if he had come across his mind or not. He could have had so much fun with new people that Heechul did not even exist in his mind right now. And would that even bother him as much as knowing that Jungsoo had always had feelings for him, for ten years long? Heechul could not find an exact answer.

He found himself struggling to get through the crowded area, and one moment later he had lost the grip holding onto Heebum. The cat jumped out from the crowd and disappeared without even looking back at Heechul who then had screamed out of his lung for its attention.

“HEEBUM GET BACK HERE!”

But Heebum had run away. Long gone. 

People started to notice Heechul was there trying to get to his cat, but they could not see which direction the cat had run toward even though they were doing their best to help Heechul out.

“My cat,” he spoke under his breath, “anyone notices my cat… greyish hair…”

“Kim Heechul,” behind him voiced the guy he wished to disappear the most, Park Jungsoo somehow had gotten into the busy street right next to him. “Don’t worry,” he said gently, putting his hand on Heechul’s shivering shoulder, “I will help you look for Heebum. He’s just got scared and wandered off somewhere, he will come back to you.”

Heechul did not know whether he should feel grateful about this, but for now all he could think about was how Heebum had disappeared and possibly would be kidnapped. His pure little child, Heechul sobbed, wishing nothing to happen with Heebum. 

“That stupid, stupid cat,” sighed Heechul, covering his face with his both palms. It must be so messed up, feeling so upset about Jungsoo, then Heebum decided to leave him. Heechul never wanted anyone especially Jungsoo to see the state of him right now.

“He will be alright, come on, I’ll help you.” Jungsoo’s smile was so calm, it somehow comforted Heechul. Everything was like an old tape showing how the young Heechul had been when Jungsoo was still around. Whenever he’d been feeling down, that Jungsoo brat had always shown up, reassured him that it would be alright and cheered him up eventually.

That was how important the impact Jungsoo had had on him, for all his childhood. 

-//-

Hyukjae showed up expecting to see all of his colleagues in the same department, but to his surprise, there was only Choi Siwon sitting alone waiting for him at the big dinning table in a private corner of this fancy restaurant.

“You’re on time. Have a seat.” Siwon offered with the best manner, his grinning smile got Hyukjae wonder if he had planned all this along just to get to ask Hyukjae out. 

“What is all this?” asked Hyukjae when he sat down opposite to the gentleman. His chin rested lightly on his hand, waiting for a reply of anything but a made-up excuse.

“A night out, as colleagues.” Siwon shrugged as if he had not a clue about this event turned out to be just for two of them. The food was brought out right on the knot and drinks were poured nicely. It was flashy the way Siwon smiled and clanked his glass with Hyukjae’s, and how he slowly made his way to hold Hyukjae’s hand when they were chatting about work without a single hesitation. Hyukjae could not find any reason to badmouth about Choi Siwon, as he knew the guy in front of him was not jus a high-class and powerful colleague, but also a very charming and sexy gentleman. And the way he tried so hard to win Hyukjae’s heart was very cute, he thought.

“Alright,” the meal was cleared and left them two in the room with an empty table, music played like a lullaby to every word they spoke, and Hyukjae realized that he felt a bit flustered by how Siwon pouted his lips a moment ago. “What was all this? I need a proper explanation.”

“Explanation?” Siwon looked surprise, “what explanation?”

“You know,” Hyukjae eyed around, gesturing the whole evening meal, “this cannot be a casual meeting between people at work. And there is no way none of them could make it tonight, except you and me.”

“It was nothing really,” Siwon chortled, he rested his head on the wall behind, looking at Hyukjae with the eyes filled with desires, “no one could make it, because I told them not to come.”

“Why?” Hyukjae seemed to know the reasons, but he decided to ask anyway.

“Why? Because I want to ask you out, Hyukjae,” and all of the sudden, Siwon appeared very serious about what he was saying, “I want to have time with you out of work, to get to know you, and for you to know more about me.”

Choi Siwon might be drunk, but Lee Hyukjae was not. He was a guy with good drinking ability. Therefore, he found it funny how he could go on a drink all night with Heechul (who by chance, drank very well as well) and not even getting drunk, but right now in front of him there was a guy whose face had gone so bright red, and his words were slurring with his body laid still and could not bear to move.

“And tell me mister, how well do you know about me by now?” Hyukjae put his hands together on the table, his body raised up toward Siwon possibly to wind him up. 

“I know, that you are very smart,” Siwon said in between his hiccups but with a very intense and furious tone, “and that you are charming, and handsome, filled with ambitions and cunning ideas. You want to be the best in whatever you’re doing, which is so attractive. And you are seeing someone,” he stopped for a second, looking a bit wary, “but it may not be a happy relationship, so,” he giggled, “so I think I still have a shot to try.”

Hyukjae’s smile was there for a split second then disappeared.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, you know,” said Hyukjae while looking at Siwon in the eyes. “Even though it’s not always happy and nice, it’s still a relationship that I have chosen. I don’t think it’s a good thing to cheat.”

“Don’t cheat, but be with me,” Siwon suddenly got up straight and leaned heavily on the table, he held Hyukjae’s hand tightly and would not let go. “Go out with me, as a friend, to see how well you could be with me, Hyukjae.”

“Excuse me, that sounds like cheating to me.” Hyukjae laughed at the other’s silliness. Alcohol must have gotten him entirely.

“It’s not! It’s not cheating at all!” Siwon growled weakly, “just go out like two friends, I will show you around, about how great it is if you are mine. You will achieve so much more in work, and you can live up to your dream, just like you want!”

“I can still do that, be your friend, and not cheat, you know. What I have with my partner,” he thought about Heechul, and there was a burden becoming visible in his mind, “is very special, and unique. Even though right now, we seem hopeless, but it will work out fine.”

“Stop being such a loser!” Shrieked Siwon; this time his face looked very annoyed as his eye brows seemed to be hooked up at both ends. “He’s working at a pet shop! He has no future! Don’t you see how much you would be better if you’re with me? Don’t you see? I can bring you opportunities, what that other lad can do? Nothing!”

Kim Heechul was not just a pet shop’s worker. He was more than that, he started from just a waiter at a coffee shop to finally managed his own little pet shop. He worked so hard to be with all the pets he wanted, and that was his choice. Hyukjae respected it, and he knew they had different ideas of being successful which would not make either him or Heechul less valuable than they were. 

But there must be something going wrong in their relationship that made them both find it difficult to spend time together like they used to do. And to be honest, both Hyukjae and Heechul did not know how to fix the situation but just went with the flow. 

They might be a bit cold toward each other, but that did not justify cheating, or seeing someone else when the other was still very committed. 

“You are drunk, Siwon, so I will not take for account anything you said tonight.”

“I am not drunk,” Siwon stated angrily. His lips became poutier than ever.

“That’s exactly what drunk people said. Come on, I’ll take you home.” Hyukjae made his way to stand up, but Siwon got hold of his legs and began to whine like a little kid. 

“If you think all I said was crap, then answer me, it’s a Saturday night, why are you here with me? And where is your partner? Is he missing you? Or is he having fun with someone else?” His slurring words got so terrible that made Hyukjae snort a little. But then what the other just said got into his mind. He was quiet for a moment, then sighed and spoke as if nothing had happened.

“Don’t be silly, he knows where I am, and I know where he is. Let’s go, I’ll take you home.” With Siwon’s body next to his, Hyukjae could feel the other’s heat and scent. There was a long walk to the door from where they were sitting, and then finally he made it to a taxi waiting outside.

“Come with me? Please?” Siwon begged in his softest voice, but Hyukjae just shook his head and answered slightly. 

“Not tonight, alright.” Then he closed the door, and the taxi took off.

-//-  
Heechul walking slowly behind Jungsoo to every alley and corner they could possibly find. He did not know why he was not as worried and concerned about the disappearance of Heebum as before, but right now he just could not take his eyes off the other. Jungsoo was ahead of him, making cat sound and holding a cat food bag, wandered from this corner to the next. He was exactly like how he had been whenever Heechul was in trouble. He made the intensity of the matter lessen and become not even a big deal. Like for now, Heechul felt like it would be alright, that Heebum was just playing somewhere waiting for him and Jungsoo instead of being kidnapped and sold over the border like all the thoughts he had had just thirty minutes ago.

And he wondered if it was because after thirty minutes of not seeing Heebum, the cat now meant nothing to him, or if it was because Jungsoo was there, and all that Heechul had learnt from the past was that if there was Jungsoo around, everything would be alright. It could never be the first option, because Heechul loved Heebum so much even though that cat was a lazy fat ass.

He still remembered when they were in high school, Heechul once got his bicycle stolen when he had left it outside the yard to go and look at some video games in the store next by. It had been his most precious bike that his parents had gotten for him to go school everyday even though his family was not very well off. Heechul could still visualize how his parents would had reacted if they had found out the bike had been stolen. It could had been a major issue, and they would had punished Heechul forever; and that would had made he feel the lowest in his life ever. But there was Jungsoo with him, comforting him and helping him through it all to get enough money to buy a new bicycle. It was Jungsoo’s savings and other toys and games that they had used to sell for more money, and they had bought another bike with similar color to the stolen one. Heechul’s parents never found out, and no one ever did since then. It was something between the two, and the bicycle, obviously, which was now left in the garage of his flat with Hyukjae. 

And many more stories of many more memories with Park Jungsoo that Heechul had been convinced that were all useless and had forced himself to forget it all. And the plan was working so well for so many years, that now Jungsoo decided to come back here and dug it all up. This kind of talk could go on forever, but Heechul felt the needs to stop thinking about the past any time now.

“Meow~ meow~”

“Heebum! There you are!!” 

Like a miracle, the grey chubby cat got out from a little dark corner and got himself covered in dust. All his hair got very damp; it must have been because he had for himself an adventure around the city through every pipe and crack to make him this filthy.

“You ugly cat, you bad naughty!!” Heechul screamed while he held on to Heebum, put the little guy under his leash so he would never run out from his sight again. He felt so relief that Heebum was back safe and sound, even though it would be a lot of work after they got home to get him all clean again. Heechul looked at Jungsoo who now handed him the bag of cat food he had bought just before. 

“There you go, I don’t have cat, so.”

“Thank you,” Heechul said quietly, he did not want the other to know how grateful he was toward him, but he also did not want to be a rude person who couldn’t even say thank to someone that helped him finding his cat.

“Don’t mention it. I don’t need a thank you from you,” answered Jungsoo.

“Oh alright then, sorry for being a nice person that even said thank you. I did not know they don’t do this kind of gesture in France, tsk.” Heechul pulled a face and prepared to head his way until he felt Jungsoo’s touch on his arm. A very firm, warm touch he had.

“All I need is you to talk to me, be with me. We don’t need to talk about the past, just to know each other better now. I’ve gone for ten years, I have no friends, would you let your old friend suffer like that, Heechul?” Jungsoo’s sweet voice sounded so poisonous to Heechul’s vague heart. He was not a good decision maker, but he could still figure that the best choice to make was to decline the offer.

But he couldn’t force himself to do so.

“Please?”

“One day out? That’s all I can give. My partner will not be happy about this.” Heechul said coolly, wondering if Hyukjae would even care if he went out with another guy. Probably not.

“I swear, it will just be as old friends, nothing more. Give me your number,” Jungsoo gave him his phone, “I will text you about our next meet up. Thank you, Heechul.” 

Heechul kept saying to himself in his head this must have been the worst thing he had ever done in his entire life, but he could not talk himself out of it neither. He was like a puppet whose strings were securely held in Jungsoo’s hands. He was stuck, and he knew meeting Jungsoo again after this time would mess his heart up so bad. But all he could do then was to pray that nothing unplanned would happen and ruin what he was having with Hyukjae, which was, at this point, nothing at all.

 

END CHAPTER 2.


	3. "When I look into your eyes, I pretend you're mine all the damn time."

Hyukjae found it funny to face Siwon again at work. It was as if the guy was a bit bitter about what happened the other weekend night. Siwon began to act timid when Hyukjae was around, and he tried to avoid any eye contact from him, which is very un-Siwon-like. Even a simple greeting Hyukjae said in the morning getting into the building was never returned from Siwon; nothing more than a nod and an awkward smile.

Usually, Hyukjae would not be bothered by this, but he did not know why he found this disturbing. Hence, he caught the other guy during break at the lunch room intentionally when the two were alone, and figured he needed a talk to kind of make things straight between them. Because despite all this, Siwon was still a good man at work that had a high possibility to get Hyukjae the promotion he had been longed for.

“Hey,” said Hyukjae when he entered the room and there was Siwon making his cup of coffee with the most exaggerated amount of sugar and milk. Such a weird milky drink for such a tough guy like Choi Siwon, indeed.

“Wow, hey,” Siwon who one moment before was still humming a lovely melody now turned dark and straight faced. “Good break, yeah.” He hurriedly poured coffee in his big mug, stirred it clumsily and made himself out of the way for Hyukjae. 

“What are you doing, honestly?” Hyukjae stepped his way in to block Siwon’s only way out to the door. He caught Siwon’s nervous eyes, and somewhere inside his mind, something clicked vaguely like a chimney sound. His deep brown eyes were so exceptionally beautiful it stunned Hyukjae for a moment.

“I’m doing nothing, what do you mean?” Siwon answered weakly, “excuse me, can I go back to work please? I have stuff to do.” He tried to move one way, Hyukjae blocked him; he moved to the other side, Hyukjae followed him constantly. It was like never-ending game between them. “Don’t be such an ass, would you?!”

“You are avoiding me, and is that because of the other night?” Hyukjae just finished off his sentence when Siwon was jumping toward him with his hand pressed tightly over Hyukjae’s lips. His soft, nice smelling palm was getting mesmerizing as Hyukjae felt at ease. 

“Don’t. Mention. It.” The words barely made it through the cracks of Siwon’s lips. He eyed around to make sure no one was near to listen to them. “Just forget it, it was a stupid, ridiculous, wasteful night.”

“Why is that?” Asked Hyukjae in a whisper, he didn’t know why he had to, but he just did to follow Siwon’s flow.

“You even ask me that? How self-involved are you?!” Siwon appeared to be very fussy about the night incident. “I made a fool of myself, alright. So, I think it’s best for us to pretend it never happened.” He coughed himself up nicely, put out a hand to be very professional, “deal, Hyukjae?”

“No deal,” shrugged Hyukjae as he slapped the hand away making a big ‘bam’ sound.

“WHAT? What are you trying to do?!” Siwon growled underneath his heavy breathing. His eyebrows frowned and his eyes became very furious. “I don’t want any trouble, and what had happened, was a shameful event, probably not for you, but for me. So, if you don’t mind, please let me go back to work!”

“We can still be friends, good friends, and that night was just one drunken one,” Hyukjae said calmly, “I know you are a good person, and I want to be your friend, Choi Siwon. Don’t blow this chance up just because you feel ashamed of yourself, which you probably do all the time.” He cracked up at his own joke.

“I am never feeling that shameful in my whole life, what do you mean?” Siwon grunted back at the other, “I offered to you my feelings, and you, and you-“

“I’m with someone already Siwon, I don’t want to be a jerk that cheats on my partner.” Hyukjae explained and by the look in Siwon’s eyes, he hoped that the other could understand.

“But it’s not a happy relationship. You even went out with me, stayed in late with me at work, talked to me, laughed with me. If you are happy with someone, would you stay overtime at work like that with another person?” Siwon sighed deeply, “I really need to get back to work, I can’t talk about this anymore.”

“It’s alright Siwon, one day you’ll understand.” Hyukjae stepped aside and let Siwon go pass. Inside, he felt so empty and lonely. He wondered if it was a good choice to end things with Heechul and start going out with Siwon. He thought to himself about how Siwon was such a hardworking person who was always so cheerful and supportive of everyone in persuading people to be more productive. He had dreams, big dreams, about his future, and he also had the ability to make dreams become reality. Siwon had everything Hyukjae ever wished for; even though what Hyukjae had right now was good still: a nice job that he worked so hard for, a nice flat, and good money coming in to his bank account every month, he still wished for more. He wanted to develop more programs and software that got popular around the globe, and everyone would be cheering his name, looking him up as their saint. It would have been such a fantastic delusion for Hyukjae to keep him working through every day, and he accepted being whom he was until life brought Siwon along. Siwon with ambitions and finance; Siwon with his cute way of getting things done and showing his affection to everyone; Siwon with his confession for Hyukjae, and he could not return to it the way he wanted.

But why not though? Why couldn’t he just give up Heechul and be with Siwon if that was what he wanted so bad?

What was so special about Heechul was the way he owned everything up to Hyukjae. The way he talked to him on the first day they met, and the way he laughed at each other’s joke was something Hyukjae could never get over. Heechul was a beautiful man with kindness and generosity. He was caring, he was a good person that always took care of Hyukjae since day one. He was soft inside, and he had been broken before meeting Hyukjae. And Heechul once told him, ‘you fixed my broken heart, you healed my scarred soul, and I cannot express how much that meant to me. Thank you, Hyukjae, and I love you so much’. Hyukjae never knew he had the ability to help someone by loving him endearingly; and from that point onward, he only wanted the best for Heechul. No one could ever break that heart again, and Hyukjae existed in the other’s life to make sure that it would never happen. Although now they had been facing some problems in their relationship, but Hyukjae never wanted to give Heechul up by breaking his heart again once he had it mended up perfectly.

-//-

 

It was a regular Wednesday, and Heechul stayed behind the counter of his shop, playing with some stray cats kept neatly in their own cages. He laughed at their silliness and wondered why no one would like to adopt any of these gorgeous animals, because each and everyone of them deserved a place called home. Their blinking eyes were so shiny and bright, and Heechul wished he could bring them all home with him; but it would be a massive issue since Heebum was a little picky about his flatmates. And in Heebum’s terms, he probably wanted no one else to share his bed ever. What a naughty cat, Heechul thought to himself, and he again chuckled as the image of Heebum jumped around trying to follow Heechul every morning. It was such a lovely event, especially when he was late and Heebum would not back off behind the door. 

“Hello?”

“Hello,” as the voice was at the front door, Heechul stood up quickly and greeted his customer, “welcome to Heehee Pet Store.”

“It looks marvelous!” Screamed the customer, and Heechul knew exactly who it was He swore inside his head, wishing he could close the whole store down for the day and went home to his fluffy cat. “I can’t believe you start up this place all by yourself! You’re such a impressive person as always!”

“Should I feel flattered?” Heechul mumbled; his eyes could not take off the dark colored hair which looked so soft and comfortable to touch, and the high cheekbones on the other’s face with his tiny dimples showing whenever he grinned. Every time they met, Heechul feel worse about the decision he made about letting Park Jungsoo back to his life. 

“Well no, but you should feel good about yourself. It’s very sensational.”

“No, it’s not,” Heechul stated strongly, “it’s normal thing to have your own business here. It’s nothing much, I just do what everyone else is doing.” It’s a mystery about how Heechul did not want any affection nor admiration from Jungsoo. It was a simple compliment, a very polite one indeed, but Heechul did not want any of it at all. 

“But still, what you’re doing is just so perfect, so gor-”

“What can I help you?” Heechul cut Jungsoo in the middle of his speech. It was not a busy Wednesday, so he could not excuse himself out to help any customer. The only customer he had right now was Jungsoo.

“Well,” Jungsoo seemed a bit startled, “I was just wondering if you’d like to go out for lunch?” The smile on his face never went out. It had always been there, haunting Heechul like a sweet melody that was also a sharp knife eyeing on his poor heart.

“I can’t. Plus, I have my own lunch packed here.” Heechul refused the offer in a tone of annoyance. He didn’t know why; he never even hated Jungsoo that much to act this way. “Sorry.”

“Oh, then we can have lunch here in your shop. I’ll just going to the next-door store and get some premade meal,” Jungsoo never appeared any happier. His face was lit up instantly and the way he ran out of the shop made Heechul laugh. What an idiot by the way he ran, Heechul thought to himself. Spending time with him must have been something Jungsoo had been longing for so long before.

They both sat at the table in the back, with Heechul’s homemade dumplings and cold noodles and Jungsoo’s instant grilled chicken skewers and salad were put nicely on the table’s clot. Heechul brought out the utensils and ate in quiet until Jungsoo spoke up again.

“Tell me about your life now, how’s your parents? How’s your partner? How’s everyone?” His cheerful voice was so close to get onto Heechul’s nerve that would have exploded any second.

“Why do you care?” Without looking at the other, Heechul replied.

“Because I’m your friend, Heechul. I wasn’t there for a long time, but I’m still your friend,” the words were pressed strongly as the cheerful tone had now disappeared. Jungsoo spoke as if all the feelings Heechul had confessed with him were long gone through thin air. All the love talks, all the time Heechul had told him how he had been falling in love with him, everything was now just staying as ‘friends’, nothing more, nothing less.

“My parents are fine. They’re staying in the countryside. My life is good, I have my own flat,” Heechul was interrupted by Jungsoo’s sudden comments.

“Oh good, that’s good.”

“Anyway, it’s a flat my partner and I share. We have been living together for two years now. And my partner, Lee Hyukjae, he’s engineer assistant for a cooperation. He’s sweet, lovable, and treating me with his best. Nothing I can ask for.” Heechul felt happy listening to his own story, and he was glad he could leave the part after Jungsoo had just left behind. Without that story, his life was a perfect picture. “How about you? How’s France?”

“I’m good. I lived alone in France, studying to be a chemist, and I am. I worked for a few places in France, met nice people, fell in love, and now,” he smiled, pushed another chunk of chicken around on his plate using a fork, “now I’m back to where I belong.”

Heechul felt a heavy thug when Jungsoo mentioned he had fallen in love when he was in France. It was obvious, what could Heechul even expect? Jungsoo was a good-looking man, of course he would have met many people who fell for him; and it was not a big deal, because Heechul didn’t love him anymore. Hyukjae was the one for Heechul, wasn’t he?

“Why go back though?” Heechul asked after finished off his small lunch, “if life there was so good, why bother to go back here, this old town where nothing much goes on?”

“You know, France was great for the first five years, then it just got boring as time has gone by,” Jungsoo shrugged. His face became dreamy as the thought of marvelous France appeared in his mind. “I have to admit, it has been a great time to be able to live in France, but it’s time to go back, to you know, where I belong.”

“But your family has all moved to France?” Asked Heechul, “as I remember, ten years ago, you all left for France, didn’t you? Then why you now decide that you’ll stay here, and your parents are all living over there?”

“Because,” Jungsoo hesitated, “I already told you the other day, Heechul, no matter how much you denied it, I want to be back with you.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m not lying, not even a single bit!” Jungsoo spoke clearly. His body leaned forward to be closer to Heechul who now avoided his look. “I cannot forget you, Heechul. I can’t. I know back then I acted like a dick, I turned you down and broke your heart. I could not resist the idea of studying and living in France, when I know if I had decided to stay, I could have done so. My aunt and uncle still have lived here until recently, I could have lived with them, but I had chosen to go and to leave you. I know, I was an idiot then, but trust me I’m no longer one.”

“So, what do you expect me to do?” Heechul asked coldly.

“Give me a chance to make it right. I can’t live without you, I have regretted it the moment I’d set foot to France. That’s why I kept trying to contact you, but you have moved, you’ve changed your email, you’ve been avoiding me. My parents said it was my own fault that I was miserable in the country I had chosen to live in. They told me to study well and then move back to Korea with you, so I did. I studied, graduated, worked for a few years for experiences, and now I’m back, in front of you, meat and flesh. I miss you, so much.” Jungsoo reached over to hold Heechul’s hand. He put it right on his left chest so Heechul could feel the beats inside. It was rapid, as if the heart was going to jump out of his chest. His breath was unstable, and his face turned all red. In front of Heechul right now was a pure and fragile Park Jungsoo who had just confessed all his feelings, yet Heechul was lost for response.

“I think,” he struggled to speak, “I think you should leave.”

“Heechul…”

“No, I mean really,” to his own surprise, his voice was still very calm and stable. If it was him ten years ago, he would have jumped up and down and hugged Jungsoo so tight, and then be happy ever after. But ten years had gone by, and Heechul was now in the state of accepting what he was having. He didn’t ask for more; he didn’t ask for the love of his old self to turn up and confess. “I don’t need this right now. I was so upset. I was at the edge of living as you meant so much to me back then. You were my only friend, and I cherished you, and loved you, and had dreams about you, and us, and how we would have lived till we’re so old together. It had all vanished in my mind. I was broken, I was lost, Jungsoo. I was in a terrible state that my parents thought I had lost my sanity. You don’t know how hard it must have been for me to get over it and moved on with my life. And I did, I moved on, I have a new life, meet new friends, and fall in love. I am happy now, Jungsoo. You can’t just go find me when I’m happy, and tell me you have feelings for me, that you regret breaking my heart. What’s done is done. I’m sorry.”

Heechul stood up and walked straight to the front door, he pushed it open and stood there with his still face.

“Please, leave.” His voice was so cold as if there was ice inside his throat. Jungsoo stood up slowly and made his way out, looking gloomy as ever. It was painful seeing Jungsoo like that, but Heechul had no better option. The moment Jungsoo was so close in front of him, he looked up and caught the other’s eyes.

“I never stop loving you even if you already did.” 

And then Jungsoo reached out to pull Heechul into his arms. He held the guy tight and sniffed into the other’s hair. It was soft and mesmerizing like how he had always remembered. Before Heechul could even react to the situation, the door had shut with a ding sound and Jungsoo had pressed his lips on his.

It was soft, and salty of tears and sweats. It was sweet and brand new. It was what they both had hoped for after such a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give it a lot of support, thank you!
> 
> Comments and kudos are extremely appreciated!


	4. "I don't want to miss a thing"

Hyukjae got home with a surprise, the apartment was empty. The lights were out; the furniture looked untouched. It brought the feel that something had changed, but Hyukjae couldn’t tell exactly. Usually it would be Heechul sitting on the couch reading one of his favorite books that Hyukjae wasn’t interested in, or it would be Heechul in the kitchen cooking something that smelled deliciously, and he would ask Hyukjae to join, but Hyukjae would turn down the offer because he had already eaten. But today, Heechul was in his room, door shut tightly, and Hyukjae thought as a boyfriend he should have gone inside, knocked on the door and asked. But he could not be bothered. 

I am not a boyfriend-material person, Hyukjae thought to himself. 

He got into the bathroom, undressed with a quick washed up and out into his room. As soon as he was in bed, his mind wandered what Siwon had been acting around him today. How Siwon avoided and pretended that he didn’t exist really annoyed him. It was a game of push and pull for both of them; Siwon had been pulling the string, flirting, giving out opportunities, and now the guy decided that everything was a mistake, an accident. 

It was good at one point, because Hyukjae did not want to be a guy that cheated. But to be honest, it was annoying as fuck how Siwon was right there in front of him, bending over on the table intentionally showing his hip curve, and smirked charmingly to another colleague. It was horrible the game he played, yet Hyukjae felt his veins about to explode. Annoyingly horrible, that what it was. Then his mind went further on how little details of Siwon attracted his attention from day to day; like today, Siwon was wearing a silky shirt with opened neck down to his chest unprofessionally. It was so opened that Hyukjae could tell people had to retain themselves from staring into what was hiding behind that thin fabric. Just because Choi Siwon was a darn talented and money-maker individual, his terrible office attire attitude was completely endured by higher managers. It was true saying if you had the what they were looking for, you owned the place. 

Yet Hyukjae also found it hard not to think about how tempting Siwon was every day wearing tight pants that obviously showed his boxer lines drawing attention into his nice-looking ass. It was thriving for desires, touches and spanks, and Hyukjae swore to God, he sometimes thought he would treat that ass real nice if he could have had the chance. Just by thinking of Siwon’s body sliding up between his legs, his arousal rose. Hyukjae put his hand down to grab his hardening cock, moving it up and down in a faster pace each time. He groaned softly, wishing Siwon was right here next to him, hands on him, tongue on him, so that they could blend in together for the sake of endless night. 

-//-

Heechul startled to think about his silly reasons for hiding away in his room. He believed that if Hyukjae didn’t know, it would be fine to move on from what had happened today between him and Jungsoo. And by avoiding Hyukjae, that was the best solution he could think of at the moment; however, for the long run, he wasn’t sure what to do because he for sure could tell how his heart still thumping inside his chest when he recalled the wet yet full of passion kiss, and the electric touches all over his body after. Jungsoo was still the same with that sweet vanilla smell lingered on his hair from one of the shampoo brands that Heechul once told his favorite. 

That idiot still uses that stupid smell for kid, Heechul chuckled.

Perhaps it was true after all what Jungsoo said about how Heechul still played an important part in Jungsoo’s life. Perhaps after all the distance and time away from him, Jungsoo realized how he should have not let him go. Perhaps life was that perfect and dream-like. 

But honestly, Heechul was impressed with himself on how he reacted after being kissed by the person he had sworn enemy years ago. He was not even mad. He didn’t stop the kiss nor push Jungsoo away. He was carried away with how romantic the whole scene was and how Jungsoo’s lips pressed closely to his, how their tongues teased for rounds and how it became sloppy, yet no one wanted it to end. 

It was once of a lifetime kiss. And Heechul was happy that Jungsoo initiated it.

The guy must think how dumbfounded I am, stating I was dating someone, but ended up kissing him back, the thought wandered in his mind.

He could tell Hyukjae was now in his own room next door; no words exchanged between them but Heechul supposed that was for the better. His phone dinged; he could tell by looking at it that it would be Jungsoo. His mind immediately got triggered and feelings started to explode gradually.

Didn’t we just kiss like couple hours before, you punk. Leave me alone! He screamed in his head; his face grunted an ugly expression, but then after he read the text, it went to blush and even redder as another text came forward. 

“I really like it today. I hope you feel the same about us.”

Like he wished, Heechul did not want to feel the same, but like generations had always said, the mind wasn’t able to control what the heart wanted.

“I would like to see you every day, if that’s okay with you. As friends, of course, even though we kissed. Sexy kiss, I have to admit. It gave me chills.”

Fucking bastard.

Heechul almost threw his phone away, but he guessed he still needed it to communicate forcefully with Jungsoo, so he just left it on the bed. He buried his face in between his palms, trying to catch his own breath. If this was really something that horrible and unforgivable, then why Heechul didn’t even feel ashamed of himself doing it. Why his heart still beat so fast of the thought of the guy, even though he had been absolute before that he had no other emotions for him.

What is wrong with me, Heechul grunted louder but pressed it down to a hiss. He did not want to make a scene and attract Hyukjae’s attention, as if it was not terrible enough.

Slowly, he put his fingers sliding on the phone screen. Heechul wanted to text back.

“This is not what I wanted.”

Then he blamed himself for sending such a cliché message. Of course, he had been stating from the start that he did not want anything related to Jungsoo, but he still did anyway. Heechul wasn’t sure what he expected from Jungsoo; he was afraid he could not pretend to be someone he’s not for any longer.

“Things happen no matter if you want it or not.”

Heechul wanted to scream, to yell and curse out of his lung. But then he heard Hyukjae from the next room moaning. He must be enjoying himself thinking of someone. It could be Heechul, perhaps; it could also be someone at work. Hyukjae could be seeing someone at work, because if he was still faithful, he would have come into Heechul’s room, pinched him down and done whatever he wanted to do with him to satisfy the arousal and thrills he encountered right now. But Hyukjae enjoyed masturbating on his own. 

He wasn’t faithful anymore. And the scariest part was that it did not even upset him as much as it had been doing. He was not angry nor sad; he felt empty.

 

-//-

Hyukjae was not thinking straight at all. He had no idea how he could be standing right here in front of this clingy coffee shop, buying a black Americano with two scoops of sugar and two scoops of syrup added into it. He never drank coffee from a branded franchise place, yet here he was, queueing and feeling so lost with the atmosphere, the people, the stare people gave him, and the smell of coffee beans soaked within the air.

Stop staring, you idiots. Never seen a mature guy buying coffee, he kept thoughts to himself.

“Americano with two sugar two syrup for mister Siwon Choi, please.”

The voice of that young kid was like thunder by his ears. Hyukjae hurriedly moved over, ignoring all the chuckles and whispers what, Americano and that much sweet, why didn’t he just order a latte, or Frappuccino, so embarrassing oh Jesus, look so tough but drink like a lady. He grabbed the coffee, nodded vainly towards the worker who also gave him a crooked smile, and rushed out of the coffee shop.

What a pain in the ass.

He never thought he would be that easy to be manipulated. He never knew Choi Siwon could just look at him emotionlessly and ordered him some bargains like buying coffee; next time, it would be buying lunch, buying cars, and then buying house. Hyukjae could see his future, he would be so hypnotized by Siwon he could end up buying that guy a whole house and be in debt and die young forever.

“Ah, coffee is here!” Siwon cheered up seeing Hyukjae got back into the office with his gorgeous shining smile was getting onto Hyukjae’s nerves. He wanted to be so mean and kick some asses, but all he could give was a sigh and a dorky grin. “Wow, you got my order right too, well done.”

“It would be six dollars,” said Hyukjae while trying to keep his tone down. He hoped he sound annoying enough.

“Eh? I thought it was your treat?” Siwon asked innocently; his eyes opened wide as he looked around at everyone else. “Didn’t you all hear before that Hyukjae said he would buy this for me?”

Everyone submissively agreed. They had been brainwashed by Siwon obviously to tell such lie.

“Come on, it’s only six dollars, aren’t you richer than that, Hyukjae?” Siwon giggled and turned away leaving Hyukjae with his head burning on fire. What was this all about? If Siwon thought that doing this would make Hyukjae go mad, then he was certainly correct. He was boiling from irritation and endurance. He wanted to do something about it. “What you’re going to do,” said Siwon while walking away with his back facing Hyukjae, “are you going to get back at me, huh?”

“Choi Siwon, can we talk a bit?” He spoke clearly as he knew people were staring at both of them. He did not want to make a scene; he needed to hide his feeling well enough so his colleagues would not consider this as something way out of workplace. It was something rather personal for only them two. “Please?”

“Hmm,” he turned around with his carefree face expression and his lips sucking onto the straw mindlessly but intentionally made it look a bit sexual. “With me?” His eyes still focused on Hyukjae without blinking.

“Yes, in the tearoom, if you don’t mind.” He thumbed his feet making way to the private room at the end of the hall. He knew he got Siwon following, and his mind began to ramble on words to say or not to say. And only when the two got rid of all the curious looks from others, they could start acting as themselves again. Siwon took down the smiley adorable innocent expression as soon as they entered and growled in his deep mature voice.

“So what, huh?” Even Hyukjae was a bit startled to see how Siwon changed himself. What a two-faced dude!

“I don’t know what your problem is, but hell I am not your person to be boss around!” Hyukjae said between the clenched teeth. His eyebrows rose indicated how angry he was, yet Siwon seemed not to put it into account.

“Hmm, I do not boss you around. I asked for a coffee, and you complied. I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?” His face still tilted the same way; his lips pouted like a child teasing the other, and his eyes were still aiming sharply on Hyukjae. “You just obey me because you want to.”

Bullshit.

“You,” Hyukjae hissed, “you are in fact one step higher than me, and you know that.” He stated clearly; Hyukjae was amazed by how stable his voice sounded even though inside his organs were partying like there’s no ending. “And you know if I don’t do what you ask, people will think I misbehave at work. Surely, I don’t want that!” 

“Sucks to be you then,” shrugged Siwon. Hyukjae thought he had exploded. 

“So don’t make this hard for me, man. We are friends, aren’t we?! I will treat you a meal, whatever, just stop being an ass on my way!” There distance had shortened now that if they wanted, they could just open their arms and gave each other a warm welcome hug. But they did not, obviously.

“Then change other way, because I will not stop being the man I am now.” Hyukjae felt defeated when he realized Siwon’s figure was taller and boarder than him. And by the way they were facing now, his eyesight was right at Siwon’s muscly chest. That opened collar was a killer-move, he couldn’t resist staring, wondering what it would feel like underneath that thin fabric.

This is seriously not the time for this.

And like a man with manner, Hyukjae backed away.

“Just leave me alone, please don’t interfere with me anymore if it’s not for good,” he was surprise that his tone turned into a begging. Why he had to beg for peace from Siwon, he had no clue. Little did he know his face was turning so pink up to his ears, and it also generated heat as the room became hotter to him. He needed to escape now for his own sake.

“Where you think you’re heading to?” But Siwon wasn’t letting a chance like this slip away. If Hyukjae moved one step further away, he would move two steps closer so that there would be no way out. His arm reached out and his hand grabbed Hyukjae’s elbow, squeezed it tight making Hyukjae squeak. “Don’t be so fast, alright.”

“Let go.” Hyukjae said as a warning. He couldn’t stop thinking about dirty things he could have done with the man in front of him whom he was so mad about just a few seconds ago. His mind suddenly was filled with all images he had about Siwon the other night when he was in his room, alone, playing.

“I see it’s hard to say no to me huh,” Siwon seemed to notice how weak Hyukjae became in such a short time; he also glanced at the other’s pants to see a bulge was growing large. “Looks like someone is lying to me, am I right?” 

“Stop. Messing. With. Me.” Hyukjae grunted; he knew his body had altered the way he never wanted it to. Quick, think of something, an old guy, wrinkles, anything. But before Hyukjae could even have a moment to cool down, Siwon had pulled him closer and hugged him tightly. The other’s hands travelled down to his bulge and began to massage it gently over the top of the material. Hyukjae moaned quietly; he knew if anyone figured this out between them, they would lose their jobs instantly. Yet it felt so satisfying and fulfilling that Hyukjae never wanted it to stop.

“You like it, don’t you, you’re fucking liar.” Siwon smirked as his hand moved quicker. Hyukjae was out of breath; his mouth went dry and his mind completely left him. He was sucked into an empty space where only Siwon and he existed. And then all he knew was sparkles, fireworks, and Siwon was in front of him, naked with that perfect body and soft skin. Every inch of Siwon was like a gift from heaven to Hyukjae. He wanted to touch him; he wanted to own the guy.

“Well well,” Siwon said while moving his hand up to give Hyukjae a stroke on the head, “I think you need to change your pants now unless you want everyone to find out.” His whispers were like a wake-up-call to Hyukjae; he got his senses back, but he could not move his body. He knew he finished, and it was wet down under his pants. He knew he’s at work, and people would suspect if he acted weird. The thing was, he got no spare pants.

“I’m fucked…” Hyukjae moaned, “thanks to you.”

“I will get you out of here clean and safe,” Siwon with his low voice dropped words into Hyukjae’s ears. It was like a magical spell. “All you have to do is be mine. Forever. Be mine, Hyukjae.” 

His mind went blank, but somehow, he could hear a voice inside telling him. I want him, so much.

And then he nodded shyly. He had lost the game.


	5. "I was getting used to being someone you loved"

“Why are you here again?” Heechul got up to the counter when he heard the doorbell rang, expecting a customer but instead he saw Jungsoo looked as bright as sunshine walking rapidly into the shop to stand right in front of him.

“I miss you,” grinned Jungsoo. His cheeks turned blush and his smiling eyes were so dashing. Heechul wished he could stop feeling unusual intense around the other.

“Don’t you have work to do? You see, I’m busy. Look at all the animals here!” Heechul was honestly busy. The birds and hamsters were crying for attention as opened the store up, and the cages needed cleaning. He had no time for chitchat. Plus, Heebum was at home waiting for him to take it outside. Heebum wanted fresh air; he was one of the odd cats out there who was easily impressed by taking out for a walk.

“I can help you; I don’t mind helping,” that cheerful smile again. Heechul wondered if Jungsoo really felt like that for him, or all of this was just another story that he played and then flew back to wherever he wanted and left Heechul alone once again. “What do you need me to do?”

“Nothing,” sighed Heechul. He decided it’s best to ignore the guy. Thinking of breaking his own heart again really scared Heechul. Without looking, he could tell that Jungsoo was giving him that curious stare to figure out what was going on. As if after some texting, they could be lovey doves again. It was difficult to be out of love, so Heechul didn’t want to experience that hardship once again. Jungsoo was so hard to forget.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Jungsoo asked calmly as he reached out to touch Heechul’s shoulder and got back a response as if his touch was contagious with diseases. Heechul moved away instantly to avoid it.

“Don’t ask me,” Heechul shrugged, keeping his head focus on the computer’s screen. He needed to order a bunch of equipment for the store, but why the website listed something called Jungsoo that looked like pet showering gel. His mind got so weird it freaked him out.

“Hey,” suddenly his hand was grabbed by Jungsoo’s soft tender and warm palm. He could feel the tension when his long fingers slid among his. “What is up with you? Why are you acting strange?”

“Strange? Me?” Heechul pulled his hand back; he looked up at the other and in no time, he was pouring out his thoughts from deep down inside. He wanted to stop, but he didn’t know how. “You are strange. You go in here acting like we’re a couple or something! Have feelings for me? Are you pissing with me? We are so over that time already. I am a new person now! So, don’t come back here alluring me with your ridiculous charms and then ask me if I am acting strange!”

He finished believing Jungsoo would be so mad and storm out of here any moment now, but to his surprise, Jungsoo even came closer to him behind the counter. He looked like he wanted to hug him, to comfort and calm his inner self down. His eyes were filled with worries and concerns as if he really, truly cared. His lips got dry as he tried to speak a few words gently.

“Don’t lie to yourself anymore.”

Fuck.

“What do you… I don’t…” Heechul found himself struggle to make words. Wishful thinking, he realized Jungsoo was still in control of his emotions just like the old days. He wasn’t lying about what he felt right at this moment though; everything that had been said was true. But Heechul knew something was hidden inside him, how he truly felt about Jungsoo, all the emotions were being dug up painfully with no mercy. The truth was, he wished he could go back in time, telling Jungsoo how much the future was holding up against them, and maybe then, Jungsoo would have stayed with him, and they could have changed their current situation.

“I know you still have feelings that yearn for me. I know you still cannot forget the past between us…” words coming out like a melody to Heechul’s senses. It was soft, gentle and very touching. His soul felt healed even after so many years Hyukjae had been there for him. It was healed better by the person who had caused the pain to it. “Please don’t avoid me no more. When you do it, my heart breaks into pieces.”

“Then how about mine?” Heechul beamed at Jungsoo, his voice glowered, and he felt like his chest would explode opened widely. His mouth got dry; and he could feel tingling on the tips of his fingers. “Years ago, you broke mine. It’s what you deserve, Park Jungsoo. I have no sympathy for you!” He turned away, hiding his brushy face. He was sure that everything angered him and the thought of Jungsoo so close to him did not make it any easier.

“I will leave then,” to his surprise, Jungsoo backed away. “I didn’t know my existence would cause you so much trouble. I am sorry.” And without looking at Heechul again, Jungsoo clumsily left the store. The sight of his figure was somehow full of sorrow and loneliness, making Heechul want to jump over the counter, ran toward the guy and hug him tightly. It was all a thought at the end of the day. No one should have been charged for their thought ever. It was a regretful moment; Heechul wanted Jungsoo to stay.

Days passed by as if nothing happened. Heechul lost contact with Jungsoo and didn’t want to be the first one to initiate a text to the other. His life revolved around work and Heebum; and work again. It was peaceful yet he wasn’t happy about it. Hyukjae was home and was not. Sometimes he stayed over somewhere; Heechul didn’t bother to ask. He could feel the two were now drifting apart, and Hyukjae was no longer having feelings for him. Again, this thing was now not a matter he worried about. All he cared was Jungsoo and his annoying ass that dared to ignore him long enough.

But Heechul could tell Hyukjae was with someone. He came home one night so grumpy and frustrated; Heechul asked, but he replied with a grunt. He smelled differently as well, and his shirt’s buttons were ripped off. It could be that Hyukjae had been in a fight, but it was more likely that he had spent time with someone rather intimately. Heechul put Hyukjae to bed; the guy snored instantly as his back touched the soft mattress. He was exhausted; from what, Heechul had no clue. It was scary how things had changed between them and how fate had made it that they both fell out of love, together. It was awkward and absurd, yet both felt alright because they had nothing to hold each other back anymore. Hyukjae found someone, seemed happy. And Heechul found his old crush, not very happy, but he was glad Jungsoo came back to him after so many years. 

The damn guy never called again after Heechul raised voice against him. Not a single text message. Sometimes Heechul stared at the phone and wished he could make it disappear. Waiting for something to come brought anxiety and even depression, Heechul couldn’t bare the thought of Jungsoo out there happily danced around because he got him hooked on the spot. He was now under Jungsoo’s control. He was exactly what a puppet was: very useless and dependent. 

If you could just bear my anger… I swear MY BROKEN HEART WOULD BE HEALED! There was a loud scream in his head. The fact that he acted all unacceptable for the situation was only his play-out. Deep inside, Heechul knew he was so delightful to know that Jungsoo could never forget about him. He was happy, and then he was angry, and then happy, and then even more angry. And now, he was just depressed. He wanted to hear the other’s voice, wanted to complain to him, to make his life miserable, to know that the other would endure all of his tantrum and turn to him with a smiley face saying ‘it’s okay Heechul ah, I still love you’. He didn’t expect Jungsoo to once again left him like this, or in other words, ignoring him. Bastard. Totally bastard.

He lied down on his bed; his mind wandered on how things would have been if Jungsoo didn’t show up. It would just have been Kim Heechul all alone, getting upset over the fact that his boyfriend Lee Hyukjae was no longer interested in him, and that he had been cheated on, and that he was not capable of keep Hyukjae with him, and so on. It would be very dramatic how the stories could have been told. Heechul the person who had nothing special finally got to date that handsome Hyukjae; but guess what, like what had been said, Hyukjae wouldn’t be in love with him long. It was a sudden crush. He fell in and out of love just like a blink of an eye. Heechul wondered whom the new guy Hyukjae was seeing was. Was he charming, and was he lovable? Was he the partner Hyukjae had been dreaming to have? He must have been better than Heechul at some point. In bed? During date? Heechul was a boring person. His life was all about staying home and relax, like an old person. But for Hyukjae, life was about having fun, partying and expressing himself. It was never a good match, but in the past, Heechul was so happy that Hyukjae confessed his feelings for him. Hyukjae approached him so innocently and wholeheartedly that he fell for the guy; but he always had known that Hyukjae was so different than who he was. Hyukjae was wild, charming, sexy and dare to do anything to achieve what he wanted, while Heechul was just calm, casual and be easy to be pleased. Hyukjae was one’s sweetheart, but he was never Heechul’s.

He could hear the phone rang in Hyukjae’s room. It seemed that Hyukjae was deeply asleep, so the phone died off. Yet it rang again. Someone must be desperate to speak to him.

Heechul got up lazily; the cold air of nighttime bothered him. He wrapped himself in thick blanket and walked quickly to the other room where the phone went on nonstop of the same melody. It was quite late already, who would be that one person who interrupted someone’s sleep like this. Must be about something very important, Heechul assumed.   
He picked up, didn’t get a chance to say anything; on the other side spoke on deep warm voice like a whisper.

“Hyukjae ah, I wish you could have stayed…”

This is awkward. Heechul suspected this person must be the new guy that got Hyukjae’s eyes. He should have been so jealous; he should have yelled and stated that Hyukjae was his boyfriend, and he would never let him stay at someone else’s over the night. Yet he stood still, ears clear enough to continue listening. Hyukjae had done it a couple times now, so what was the point for him to get mad?

“I wish we could just be together, did you get home safe, baby…”

The other was very drunk, that Heechul could tell for sure. They must had been out drinking, spending the night enjoying themselves, which Heechul didn’t blame any of both. It was just never his thing, and he knew how much Hyukjae wanted to go out and have couple of drinks, get drunk and dance wildly until sunrise. It was the youth and enthusiasm that Heechul never had. His way of partying would be gathering around at someone’s house, drink, deep conversation, and maybe connect a bit better. It was the kind of fun he wanted to have with Jungsoo.

“Hyukjae ah, speak up… I want to hear your sweet voice…”

Heechul didn’t know whether he should have said something or not. He felt the urge to, but he wasn’t sure if it was a right move.

“I wish we could just come clean... I wish we never have to hide… Hyukjae ah, can you hear me you silly…”

Heechul hung up. He thought to himself how Hyukjae had been going out with this man, doing all sorts of romance that he wished he could have done. It bugged him a little how he wanted to do the same. How he wanted to be with someone, to have someone missed him so much. To come clean and never have to hide again. 

He looked at Hyukjae deep in his sleep. His peacefully resting face was like an angel, just like the first night they spent together. The face that showed how he enjoyed life, he was happy, and he was in love. Hyukjae looked livelier, but it was with someone else not Heechul. And then it came to his senses how they both tried so hard to pretend that it was all okay; when in fact, they didn’t enjoy any bit of it. It was like a responsibility, a job to be together, when the fact that now Hyukjae was happy. He looked genuinely happy with someone, but the thought of them being together dragged Hyukjae back to their shared apartment. He could have just stayed with the other guy and not felt guilty. It was Heechul that holding him back. 

And it also appeared to Heechul that his life became more interesting since he started seeing Jungsoo again after so many years. It was like a wake-up-call to his old self that he once got rid of. He was mad; he was upset and trying to avoid Jungsoo, but he knew that it brought a shed of sunlight into his daily life. It brought him joy knowing that Jungsoo went back to him; it brought him relief knowing that Jungsoo loved him for so many years; and it also set him free knowing that he was still in love with Jungsoo.

Heechul rushed out of the room. He got changed quickly, put on his coat and hurried to grab the wallet. He needed to take a taxi. He needed to go somewhere. He needed to see Jungsoo.


	6. "Let it be"

It was a cool autumn day. Trees turned into red, and leaves on the ground began to pill up thick and rough like an old rug. The wind blew sometimes between the layers of clothes, making it’s hard to get warm but not too warm, or get cool but not too cool. Down on the street with his thin cardigan and a floral blouse tucked in his thin lined pants, Heechul walked his way through the crowd. He hummed a melody of his favorite song “Let it be”.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.

He seemed happy; he never looked any brighter, cheerful and at ease. He never felt so much energy floated along his body, giving him so much hope for a better tomorrow. He never had a feeling that everything would be okay; life was full of surprises and chances for the one who needed it. He felt the real him digging up the hole he had buried years ago, humming the same melody, smiling awkwardly to see him right now: growing older but still his face lightened up like that little kid.

He pushed the door open. It was the same spot, same coffee shop that once was the place he began his old part-time job. When he was young, broken, and dreadful. He looked at it with a grin, sliding his hand through his hair as he looked around and noticed the person he was meant to meet that day. The guy sat there in the corner, looking at his phone. Drinks were served on the table; like usual, the guy understood him well enough. He made his way through, quietly so that the other wouldn’t look up from his phone. He got it to the table and pulled the chair out, didn’t forget to greet in his happy squeaky voice.

“Hey, long time!”

The other smiled at him, that sweet smile of his. Heechul thought for a second how he used to cherish this smile so much. Now, he still cherished it, but not as how he used to. Something had changed between them.

“Hey, how are you doing?” The guy put down his phone, maintaining eye contact with Heechul and gestured him the drinks. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t,” Heechul tilted his head, took a sip of his mat-cha latte. The taste brought him back to the past; when in high school how he was madly in love with someone that had never happened the way he wanted. “Thanks for the drink.”

“I hope you’re doing well,” the other guy gave Heechul the most endearing look ever. Heechul genuinely felt how the other cared and meant good for him. “Getting on alright?”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Heechul shrugged, “I hope the same for you. I hope life doesn’t drag you around much, bossing you like an old damn bitch.” They both burst out laughing. Like the old days, when they used to joke around, complaining life and wanting to have their lives together. 

“It’s alright, work is okay,” the other said while he gained back his consciousness after laughing too hard, “I got promoted, which is good. I can finally buy a new apartment, better area, better neighborhood. Good overall.”

Heechul stared at the other, thinking how it was in the past when they were still young and worked their way up to manage their own place. How the other was always there for him through hardship and difficulties without a rant. He was thankful that the other never left his side until that special day.

“I’m glad, honestly.” Heechul smiled gently. His hand kept rubbing on the latte cup. He was lost for words, he didn’t know what to say; to bring back the past events, or to say about future that didn’t even happen yet. He wasn’t sure. He wanted to ask if the other was still happy with his new partner, but then he didn’t want to be mistaken as a jealousy.

“How about your pet shop?”

“Oh, it’s doing great, erm,” Heechul just remembered that after the other left, he didn’t know that Heechul had sold his old shop and moved to open a new place, a ‘Cat Café’ right in the middle of big city miles away. “I am making money with it.”

“I’m glad.” The other sighed peacefully. They exchanged some shy looks, then gabbed about how life had been changing for both. It was like a connection they didn’t want to let go. They wanted to keep each other close, but also not too close because both had different life set, lifestyle, and different goals. But they also didn’t want to keep each other too far away. It was like a habit, a bond that they had for those years when they were still young and career-free. Those years that they started building up their own dream castles, they were there for each other.

After the latter cups had gone cold, they decided it was the time to leave and exchanged goodbyes. It was something casual between them, but sometimes it could be more intimate. They could talk about anything, work, friendship, relationship, family, anything, because they already knew each other so well. They could forget the past and be happy for each other, that was the most important thing. Heechul appreciated that so much, and he wished he never had to let the other go.

Heechul took the train going south straight into the city. He got off at the station when his phone rang. He picked up pretending to be annoyed but couldn’t hide his exciting devious smile.

“Why are you calling I haven’t been out for two minutes?!” Heechul had to admit the older he grew the more he sounded like a grumpy auntie. No wonder Heebum nowadays tried to avoid him whenever he had his moment.

“Look to your left.”

Heechul turned and his face turned red. He put the phone back into his pocket and ran toward the other standing in the middle of busy train station. He didn’t forget yelling out of his refreshing lungs.

“Ya Park Jungsoo! I am not a kid that needs to be picked up!” They squeezed into a hug and walked home holding hands.

 

-//-

The night.

Heechul opened his phone up to see the information Park Jungsoo had put into his contact. He rang the guy while making his fast walking pace down the stairs of the apartment. At the front, a taxi was already waiting.

“…Hell..llo…”

Jungsoo must have been asleep, or pretended to be asleep. Heechul grunted while positioning himself into the backseat.

“Tell me your address!” He growled at the phone. The driver gave him a suspicious look, “sorry sir, one minute.” Heechul smiled vainly at him.

“My… my address…?”

“Yes! Your house! Fucking hurry up!” He tried to hold his voice down but somehow the volume kept turning up louder and louder. “I am going there right now you fucking idiot!”

“Who are … you?” Jungsoo was getting on his nerve. He swore if he made it to the house, he would come in, tear the place apart and murder Jungsoo at scene. 

“Just the address, HURRY UP!” Then Heechul gave the driver his phone, expecting Jungsoo to follow his order. It would have been so awkward if Jungsoo refused to talk and gave out address, thought Heechul, but to his surprise, the driver gave the phone back to him and began to take off. Jungsoo did give him the address.

Moments later, here he was standing in front of a big house. It was not something out of imagination, but Heechul thought Jungsoo alone would have been living in a smaller place. Looked like the guy was still from a damn rich family and got the support from his parents. He wondered if he should press the doorbell; he wondered if he was ready to face the love of his life and confess or should he have gone home with Hyukjae and pretended all the feelings there were invisible and not applicable. He was torn apart.

But then the thought of Hyukjae being happy with someone that wasn’t him stroked him hard. If he just kept trying to pretend like nothing had happened, then Hyukjae would never be able to be truly happy, and so was he. He needed to make this decision; he needed a stronger push.

And to answer his wish, the door swung opened before he even had his hand on it. In front of him, Jungsoo in his pajamas, eyes swollen from waking up, and dark circles beneath them. He looked like a disaster, but he had answered Heechul’s wishful thought.

“What the hell are you doing here at this hour?” Jungsoo said in his sleepy voice; he reached out his arm and pulled Heechul closer inside. “Get in, it’s so cold out.” Heechul could feel the heat rising inside him. He could tell that his senses were growing stronger; suddenly he was so sensible with every touch of Jungsoo, every pat Jungsoo gave him, every smell lingered on Jungsoo’s body, and how he fell right into Jungsoo’s arms like a feather. Like he was sucked into a meadow.

The door shut, and Jungsoo led him into the hall and living room. It was so simple how Jungsoo decorated his place: only essential bits are needed. Nothing fancy, nothing out of nowhere. It might have happened because Heechul was glancing around in amazements that Jungsoo spoke up.

“It is just simple, but I am waiting for it to be decorated by someone…”

Heechul pondered on the words Jungsoo had used. Was he waiting for Heechul to do it for him when they moved in together? And would they move in together? The thought grew more affectionately as Heechul couldn’t keep his mind of Jungsoo.

“Why are you here, Heechul? I thought you wanted me to stay away?” Jungsoo began the questioning part with his most irritative one. Heechul didn’t want to admit that he was wrong for pushing Jungsoo out. That he wished he didn’t say anything and that Jungsoo should have been next to him to comfort him.

But of course, Heechul couldn’t say any of that, so he remained silent.

“Can I help you with anything?” Jungsoo seemed impatient in front of Heechul; he moved around the room, trying to think of something to do that would make Heechul confess what was in his mind. “Do you need anything?”

I need you.

And that was another selfish uncontrollable thought.

Heechul wandered around for a moment or two, and he agreed with himself that it was best to just leave and figured some other way out later. He walked his way out the front door but was stopped by Jungsoo. The guy grabbed him by his wrist and wouldn’t let go.

“I already said I just thought I wanted to see your place, now that I have seen, it’s time to go home.” He knew it sounded stupid, but that was the best solution he could think of right now. “Let go of me, Jungsoo! Ouch!”

“Don’t leave.”

It sounded so desperate in the voice that no longer was sleezy. It sounded clear and honest. It was like the voice calling him from deep inside Jungsoo’s soul.

And Heechul couldn’t help but let the life take him to wherever it planned. He crawled back into Jungsoo’s arms and kissed the other on the lips. This was the feeling that he had been longed for. This was the happiness that they were both searching for.

-//-

 

Hyukjae got home from the meet up at coffee shop in the village. His new place, a place that he could be himself, a place that he could laugh and cry and accept the person he was. He sat down on the leather couch, lounging. He thought of Heechul, how they both looked so different. They were happy for their own life, and for each other. And that was a good thing. Hyukjae always wanted Heechul to be happy, even though if it meant that he wasn’t the reason for Heechul’s happiness.

Either way, he got a good job now. Good pay rise, good people to work with and a new life started. He hung out more, be opened about relationship and life adventures. He was having the best life he could ever have with the person that he always wanted to be with as partners.

“Hey, you’re home.” Siwon walked out of the bathroom with a white towel wrapped around his waist. His muscly body reflected the sunlight through thin curtains making it look mystic and magical. Hyukjae grinned, he moved himself up to peck on the other’s lips.

“Yes, just a catch up. He’s doing good, I’m glad.” Siwon gave him a pat on his hair lightly. 

“You have done well, want to go out?” The way Siwon smiled was so soft and tender. It was like an assurance that everything would turn out fine; and that was the only thing that kept Hyukjae moving forward for some years now. Being next to Siwon, having the best of their lives; Hyukjae could never ask for more.

“Sure.”

They both let go at the right time, and they were both happy about it. It wasn’t who had cheated on whom, it was life that brought their stories together, connected them to one another, and helped them realize the importance of being in love.

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love and support.


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